*COLOUR-FLYING RESULTS
< *Get married to HyunJoong or JaeJoong?8D
*Become a wonderful watercolour painter
*Finishes all my fiction and get a blast of comments from them!
*Forever Friends with my 38 Gang~ <3
*Forever eat food that is cooked by my dad~ <3
*Eat, sleep and do nothing?

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

>> Wriggly Low
>> Hiki Darling
>> Emi Dongsaengie
>> Shirly Unneh
>> RainForest's Novels
>> Jeremy Priest
>> Words Flows 4 Us/a>
>> RainForest
>> Traffic Police
>> Clareen
>> >> >>

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This, is a post for my dearest best friend.

She had a post in her blog that had carved a very deep scar into my heart. Very, very deep. You may never be able to have me surfacing the water if you meant it by the feeling under the sea. It's like suffocating, someone stranggling me, someone pushing me to the deepest of the ocean.

Why, why do you have thoughts like this? Why do you think of us like this? Why won;t you just give up on everything, give up on your pride and dignity and tell us what's wrong with you and what's wrong with us and what we did to make you feel so helpless, so useless? If it's because of the results, i'm going to freaking scold you. WHY WOULD YOU EVER LET THIS FREAKING EXAM THINGS BOTHER YOU WHEN YOU KNOW IT - THAT WE WILL KILL OURSELF TO MAKE YOU SMILE AGAIN? We will try our very best, bestest to make you feel that you're not hopeless! YOU'RE NEVER HOPELESS YOU DUMMY BECAUSE YOU'RE OUT FRIEND!

AND FRIENDS DONT RANK AT ALL! WE;RE ALL ONE, TOGETHER, A PIECE OF SHIT TOGETHER, A PIECE OF CAKE TOGETHER, ONE FAMILY! 

You said you dont know if to trust us, but a few weeks ago we were regarded as the best people you ever knew and now we're just a freaking piece of shit to you? What ever makes you feel like that? Is it because we're just too hell of brilliant that you feel shitty, you feel jealous, you feel pissed? WE'RE NOT BRILLIANT - AND AGAIN THE N TIMES I'M TELLING YOU THIS!

I GIVE MY PAYMENTS IN EXCHANGE FOR THOSE RESULTS!

I can give anything to just want to you to go crazy with us again, to talk with us like you did before, to smile from the deepest of your heart and not fake a bitter face with a smie worse than a cry. 

But instead, i think you feel helpless because you're jealous. 

Jealousy is normal, everyone has it, everyone is familiar with it.

It only leads to the way on how you use that feeling? 

Do you use it to encourage yourself? Or you use it to feel bad about yourself and hate the others? Or you use it to hurt yourself?

It leads to two ways. You choose because you're the CEO of your life, NO ONE, not even us can change your life because you're taking control. We're just chapters of your life, and it depends on how you spread your chapters with us with our friendship, it is you who chose to befriend or not. If you choose to leave, we have no choice but to free you. But you did not choose to leave, you choose to avoid, you choose to not rely on us.

Then you put the blame on us when we don't know what we did. 

If you dont open up and tell us, what can we do? 

We're scared too, not only, we are afraid to lose your trust, we are scared that you might leave us, we're all horrified.

And you still chose to be silent and stare. What can we do?

If you just won't speak up, open up to your friends like us, what can we do?

Telling you that, you're always our friend no matter what happens. What is the price to build up this special bond between us? What is the price for us to have this wonderful friendship?

Come to us when you need us. Please.  

It's my birthday on 25th may.

I am so sorry for the lacking of my presence in this lovely, lovely blog. Even when you do say form 3 is nothing but a piece of shitcake, i don't think it's ever going to be that small piece of chocolate for me. It's like hell, hell, hell turning under your feet, any steps taken wrongly and down down you go.

To now where, to no place, where you only gets swallow up by desprerasion and darkness.

Now as i say it's my birthday, it was also the day my mom had a hard day with her life. And it was also a day where my mom and dad felt for a wonderful life. 25th May, it may not be special to any of you, but it is speacial for me, my family, and my friends. And i thank God for giving me such a warm, caring family and these wonderful friends to be around when i need them so much of crossing the river of sadness, furiousness and such blended emotions. 

And so yesterday i celebrated my birthday, with no surprises but warm, coming sequences of hugs and kisses and wishes from my lovely friends and family. I also gained my independence from a freaking one whole week of lock-in study in my house for the freaking stupid killing me examination.

It may be simple and slow for a day to pass like my other birthdays, but it was the most meaningful one i had before. I received a lovely message from my cutie friend, Valerie : Yo! *ta daaaa~* It's your 15th birthday! How are you feeling? Feeling good?  My timing is correct right, birthday queen? 

I replied her: well, 3 minures earlier. XD

Then came Anthony's, and followed by two of my brothers who had BOTH WRITTEN NOOBS in their message, but still i had let myself permit them once with their so-good-timing wishing for the year. And I was waiting for my bestest baby Wriggle-fingers to message me when she was sleeping like there's no tomorrow.

And then i received her mms on 6 in the morning. 

It was made like a concept of a little card, with my nick names on it, teasing but still warming. It was made BEAUTIFULLY.  You would never believe, never believe what you see. She also added in songs and those songs she figured out her own made me shed tears. 

I dont know what made me cried, but, i'm still very grateful to ALL of you who had given such a fine time at the party-with-nothing in my house after the exam. I love you, SA, Anthony, Wriggle-Finger, Jelly Popples, Fat Fish, My brothers, my parents, my friends at school who wished me on time and gave me presents hand- made. 

Thank you for giving such a great time to be cherished about.

Happy birthday to everyone in the world around me who's a 25th Mayer! :D

-P.S: Happy birthday to Apple! ;P-

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